RETENTION

I realise that I can’t retain information for some reason. Was talking to a friend and I just get the sense that she can remember things that I’ve said and things that she’d told me about in the past and yet my memory of them is hazy.

She was talking about how her friends are saying that she had changed, and I was saying how I felt like she was still her. I can’t tell if it is really the case that she had not “changed” per-se, or just that I was not attentive to her to have perceived the change. The people that are with her day in and day out should be the ones, hypothetically to know if she had changed or not. Even though I knew her the longest, I feel like the things she tells me aren’t retained somehow. It scares me to not know if she had changed or not, to not be able to perceive the difference. To think that I’d failed her as a friend. Wouldn’t that make me no different from a passer-by, who only perceives the surface level responses with no context to deepen the understanding? Actually I think this applies to my other friends as well, I feel like they have a better understanding of myself that I have of them. A mark of a selfish person..

This is why I learn things slowly I think. The information gets retained at such an incredibly slow rate. And then even after they get retained, I erase them almost immediately after. I noticed this even more with this new roommate, things I tell her get forgotten in the very next sentence. I am definitely guilty of this. How am I supposed to understand things at a deeper level if I am always starting over?

Speaking of which. Until the next post-

Shiftposter