Fig 1. Floor plan diagram and artist rendering of the Great Hypostyle Hall at Karnak in Egypt
In which the thickness of the structure impedes the entering of light.
I realise that I am not great at perceiving when I am given something. Many times I find that the people who are talking to me have to preface what they are saying with “my point is”, both to clarify obviously but also pointing out that I am not responding to what they are saying, rather what I am assuming that they are saying? How do I get out my head like this? It seems like I am perpetually blinded by my own thoughts such that I don’t even perceive when things are entering and going.
So many examples of this, simple things like people asking me what I am doing for christmas so that I would ask them back, but as I don’t perceive it as a gift, I don’t feel compelled to ask it back. I think when I am rushing something I have a kind of frantic energy about me, which people with more experience will see through but it can be rather disturbing otherwise.
How to stop? How to get better? Looking at what I am doing at work I think this has reflected, I am unable to establish a clear structure and stick to it, today I just farted around and barely did anything.
What is hard work worth? What does it matter if I try if there is no purpose? There are all these people that seem so relaxed, they dont need to pretend to be going as hard because when they do put in effort it is directed and with purpose, whereas I am just wasting by expending energy constantly.
It takes energy to pretend.
full-of-shift.com 